Think Classy, Be Classy

Here's a very quick marketing tip. This one is both very simple and at the same time it is one of the most-broken rules of marketing. Does your business have an office or storefront open to the public? Take a look around and count the handwritten signs. At least half of the restaurants and stores I go into have handwritten signs somewhere. On the front door, at the cash register, in the restrooms, etc. Do yourself a favor and tear them all down. Immediately. Don't even finish reading this sentence...get up and tear them down.

There is nothing more amateur looking than an establishment who can't take the time to put even a half-ass sign together. Every business in the universe has access to a computer and printer, so there really isn't any good excuse. It's just simple lack of attention to detail. And if your printer at home is ten years old or older, maybe you should consider sending your file to someone else to print (I strongly suggest sending your file anywhere other than Staples, because there really is no telling if they'll be able to figure out the mysteries of your very complex order).

Here is an example of what I am talking about. Once upon a time, there was a restaurant that wanted to position itself as a high-end steakhouse. The restaurant itself was very nice, complete with white linens and entrées starting in the mid- to high-$20s. Not the fanciest or the most expensive, but in a town where the average entrée price is a lot closer to $8, they were trying to win over a more discriminating clientele.

What always stood out to me as I passed the restaurant, though, was that the sign in their front window was a homemade tractor-feed banner. Remember tractor-feed banners? They were very common back in the 80s. And this banner looked like it came right out of the 80s. The ink was a very faded black, the paper had rough edges along the perforations where the tractor feed was removed, and it wasn't hung very well. All in all, the sign didn't communicate anything high-end or classy. It just looked half-assed and cheap. Clearly, they didn't think their restaurant was worth a $150 investment, why would any consumer want to spend good money if they didn't even believe in themselves?

In an era when you can buy 5' x 3' full-color banners for under $150, why go cheap when it comes to signage? Think about that figure...one table for two with appetizers, entrées, and a decent bottle of wine would almost cover the cost of the sign. Okay...fair enough...add in the cost of a quick design and you'd need two tables to cover the cost. How many people may have been willing to give them a shot if it looked like they cared?

Handwritten signs are great examples of one of my favorite business screw ups: tripping over dollars to pick up nickels. Take a little bit of time and, if possible, spend a couple of dollars to upgrade your signage.

I think marketing guru Crash Davis summed it up best when he said, "Think classy, be classy."

Customer Dissatisfaction Department

Our January winner for bad customer service is Staples in Bay City.

I had to run into Staples to have something laminated. While I was at picking up and paying for my order at the copy center desk, I told the girl working behind the counter that I needed to buy five sheets of 11" x 17" paper. Simple request, right?

Me: "Do you have 11" x 17" paper in colors?"

Staples co-worker: "Yes."

"Can I have five sheets on the ivory or the cream?"

"We don't have it in stock...we have to special order it."

Didn't I just ask if you had it? Did she think I was inquiring as to whether or not such 11" x 17" colored paper existed?

"Okay...that's not a problem. Do you have it in stock in white?"

"Yes."

"Great. Can I have five sheets of that?"

"Um...okay...um...we don't...um...we can't really sell you five sheets like that. There isn't a way that we can ring it into our system."

You would think I was asking her to sell me her shoes or something. Even now when I think about it I have to shake my head in disbelief. There are several options she had, any of which would have worked out better than her response. She could have decided to:

1. Sell me the paper as if it were 5 copies. Easy. Problem solved.

2. Give me the paper for free. It's five sheets of paper...they cost you next to nothing. It creates goodwill with a regular customer.

3. Almost anything other than stand there like a deer in the headlights, stammering about point-of-sale systems.

My last job with Kinko's was as a regional trainer, handling customer service classes. This is Customer Service 101, Staples. Hire people who can solve problems, rather than create them. I'll still shop at Staples for supplies sometimes, but from now on my print work will probably end up elsewhere.

These days I frequently hear people blathering on about branding, but the truth is that very few people really have any idea what branding is. It's not your logo, it's not your tagline--it's everything. Including—especially in service businesses—the people who man your registers. In a micro environment like a small city where word of mouth carries a lot of weight, who you hire says more about you than your logo ever will.